5 signs You’re attracting negativity
It’s inevitable to stop generating negative feelings but it becomes a problem when it starts interfering with your daily life and you are unable to cope with it.
To understand the cause of negative feelings, first you need to understand the concept of emotions. One of the researches led to a fascinating revelation that our mind constructs emotions as concepts. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett in her book ‘How Your Emotions Are Made’ explains how emotions are constructed uniquely for each individual based on their personal experience, physiology and environment. For example, a dog coming towards one person can make him uncomfortable while for other it can be fun.
Don’t have time to read the entire book then you can read out this interesting book summary by Forte labs.
Here are some of the factors which invokes negativity
1. Seeking too much recognition
We all seek a bit of recognition, as we have an inner desire to feel good about ourselves. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs — ‘A theory of Human Motivation’, recognition helps in raising the self-esteem which is penultimate need before an individual can attain self-actualization. When people receive appreciation their esteem needs are fulfilled, and they feel being valued and confident.
Conversely, seeking too much recognition from outside will lead to low self-esteem. Think of this as a situation that you desire appreciation even for a simple task you do. Now, when you are not recognized for your trivial efforts you may feel that people are taking you for granted. Ultimately, you will be on mercy of others to feel confident. Having low self-esteem engenders negative feeling including self-criticism, guilt, anger, and shame. To get out from this you must raise your standard and stop seeking recognition for the simple things you do. However, if you have already lowered your self-esteem then having a positive self-talk can work well to improve it. In case situation doesn’t change don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for help.
2. Thinking more and doing less
While it is true that ‘An idea can change your life’ but more important is to act on it to accomplish it. Over thinking can elongate the problem and it takes you in an endless loop of thinking. I have firsthand experience of procrastination and have spent numerous hours on thinking and planning which resulted in nothing. It is simply frustrating, and it impacts negatively on the psyche and results in low motivation level. There are several concerning theories on how overthinking can severely impact your decision-making ability, also described as Analysis paralysis and slay the productivity. There is no quick fix to overcome this problem and it may take time depending on how severe the problem is. First step is to observe yourself closely while you are overthinking and analyze the root cause of it. You may realize that you are bothering unnecessary on an issue which is not under your control and hence guide yourself to stop wasting your time. Another way is to keep yourself occupied. This technique has worked well for me and to keep myself occupied I play the songs and sing aloud repeating the lyrics or i keep myself occupied in domestic chores. You can also learn to meditate and practice mindfulness to stop overthinking.
3. Having self-doubt
The primary cause of self-doubt is the way we are brought up and the choices we have made in our past life. Let me share classic elephant-rope mindset. A passer-by saw a thin rope tied on one leg of an elephant and got confused thinking how come it’s possible to control such an enormous animal with a thin rope. To his surprise he checked with the trainer nearby, who explained that “They work with young elephant and tie them with rope which they can’t break when they are young and small in size but by the time they outgrow their size and can easily break the rope and run away, their mind gets conditioned to believe that they can’t break the rope. So, they believe that rope can still hold them”. Similarly, some time we are held captive by our thoughts and doubts which make us feel small and miserable. Due to our limiting beliefs, sometimes we give up before even taking up a new task. Having self-doubt unattended over time can result in anxiety, depression, and other mental disorders which can stop you from enjoying your life to the fullest. According to Dr. Leon F Seltzer’s article published in Psychology today, anxiety and self-doubt is the perfect recipe for underachievement. To improve your self-belief, it’s important to do self-introspection and identify the key deep-rooted habits which are holding you back from reaching your potential. You should be willing to bring a change within yourself and challenge your inner voice. A good company and boost from friends or well-wishers can be helpful as well in cheering and bringing back your confidence.
If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will do it for you — Kobe Bryant
4. Fear of being judged
We are living in disruptive world where we are continuously under the surveillance. We are incessantly watched and judged by people on how we dress, what we eat, what car we drive, where we went on our last holiday and what not. There is tremendous pressure on each one of us to do better than others. I have closely felt this pressure of what others will think of me and to be in their good books, I proactively put myself in their place and make a guess on what they would think of me in a particular situation. This sounds ridiculous, how can I even think about what others will think of me. I know this is insane and believe me once you go into the fear of being judged there is no way you can feel comfortable. So, stop judging yourself and keep working towards your goal.
Don’t be afraid to do something just because you’re scared of what people are going to say about you. People will judge you no matter what. — Source Internet
5. Being jealous and revengeful
You and your friend applied for a job and prepared together to crack an interview. You are convinced that you have done well in your interview, but you later find that you were unsuccessful, and your friend has got the job. It’s obvious to get disappointed and it can trigger a feeling of jealousy, given you have worked equally hard and did well in your interview. Jealousy is a very natural biological emotion provoked due to inequality, insecurity, and desires. Continuous thoughts provoking the feeling of jealousy may aggravate the situation and make you feel resentful, angry, and revengeful. As per dictionary definition, revenge is the action of hurting or harming someone in return for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands. When angry and revengeful you may cross the line and become violent. Harming anyone physically or emotionally can bring a joy for a small moment, but it can harm your relationship forever. To suppress the feeling of jealousy, think about how grateful you are and try to count your blessings. This will help you to calm down and feel lighter.
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. — Mahatma Gandhi
Final thoughts:
As it is impossible to stop having negative feelings, the best way is to learn how to cope with it. According to Positive Psychology website. As humans, we tend to get impacted much more by negative events than by positive ones. This is due to Negativity bias. Thus, it’s very important for us to work on the way how we think and keep us positive.
Positive self-talk can work wonders to maintain a healthy relation with your mind and not let negativity stop you from keeping you calm and happy. Being in a good company where you can feel yourself and can freely express your feelings without being judged can help you in keeping positive. Avoid company of negative people and indulging in activities which make you feel sick and miserable, for instance if you don’t like to read then don’t push yourself too much just to impress others or because others think it’s good, rather find out what suits you best.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid” — Albert Einstein
Work out a way to overcome your fears by shifting your habits slowly, don’t rush as it can put you under undue pressure. In case you often feel low in energy and get overwhelm with negative feelings then don’t hesitate in seeking advice from a doctor or a therapist.
PS: I am not a qualified professional to provide psychological advice, therefore all the views and suggestions shared in the above article are solely based on my beliefs and experience. Please consider taking professional advice before following any suggestions provided in this article.
